Last night, both Giuseppe and my husband were sleeping and even though I was pooped, I felt a tiny surge of energy and decided to run with it. My house was a mess...in a messy kind of way. I have all tile floors in a house surrounded by sandy, nature-y terrain. Let me add to that by saying, I am NOT a fan of "outside". You see, South Florida isn't exatly known for it's cool breezes. Being born in Germany in the deep winter and absolutely loving the act of freezing my little butt off...makes me hate the constant sweltering humid heat that is my environment.... Anyway, I have a front patio and a back yard..they both stretch the length of the duplex on either side and we continually drag dirt into our house...I literally should be sweeping all the time...its that annoying.
Plus my kitchen was icky...I cook a lot I guess. Well daily for almost every meal all the time...so its a pretty regular kinda thing. I'd like to believe most people do it :)
Needless to say...I was being lazy a cpl days and I constantly, internally guilt trip myself about any kind of unproductivity. I turned on my Netflix and watched "Big Night" and started to go into cleaning mode...loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the countertops, dining table swept and even did a cpl loads of laundry.
The whole time I listened in on the movie dialogue and soundtrack and thought back to when I was a kid. My dad had the soundtrack on tape and I always requested it for drives. It would just bring me back..then and now. It's just real old school italian stuff that moves my heart and soul and brings back this awesome nostalgia for this special moment in time, zeitgeist, if you will. I am 100% Sicilian, by the way, although I was born and raised in Germany. I never lived in Italy but I am through and through an Italian Fraeulein ;)
So yea...I thought a lot of things, some too personal to share but what it comes down to is that a lot of people lose a sense of who they truly are, as they move through life. They go from being this embodyment of an idea or sense of being....to constantly chasing this dream and giving everything up for it.
Its real important I think to hold dear where you come from and what it is that changed you because of that spacetime. Regardless of where youre from. Everyones origin in 100% unique in every way..and its not the city you live in...but your family and your relationships with people and what you were taught...when you were young...who you think back about and feel "wow". You build on those things...whether you build your character by taking down a wall that shouldnt be there or lay more bricks to make your foundation even stronger. Don't forget and be proud...silently within yourself.
Talking to my mom this morning, I said, "Now its our turn to pass down the torch."
Anyway, theres one particular scene towards the end where he's on his knees in the sand screaming..."what do you want to stay here for!...here!?...in this place that's eating us alive!!"....and i feel that way a lot. I feel that struggle and that pain...its disconnect and it hurts...but its just a shadow lurking in the background. I will conquer it by giving into it. Eventually!